The purpose of sales outreach is to find emotion.
Hu? What? Yes. Your purpose is to find a business person so emotionally involved in a problem or goal they want to take action.
The purpose of calling, emailing, etc. is NOT to earn a meeting, nor generate interest. Your purpose is to find emotion.
Quick example...
You’re flirting with someone. Ever notice? The more interest you show in them the less they have in you. But the less interest you show, the more they want you?
The more attracted you are to them -- and you show it -- the less attracted they are to you.
Now before you think, “No shit, Captain Obvious” hear me out.
If this psychology is so obvious, then your sales outreach messages are taking advantage of this right?
In most cases, we forget -- sales is courtship. Seeking to start a conversation with customers is exactly like courting a life partner -- or anyone you want to get close to. Success is actually about:
- Finding emotion;
- talking less, listening more;
- provoking the other person's curiosity;
- not looking desperate, appear high status by not persuading.
The more you try to persuade, the more resistance the other person throws up. The more you look low status to those with high status.
For example, we often try to persuade by offering unsolicited help. Or we complement. Or share advice with people we want tin influence.
But this usually creates less trust, not more. Because the other side detects an ulterior motive.
This is a fundamental, universal principle of human behavior.
"People (maybe now more than ever) seem to have developed more of a bullshit detector -- a survival ability to smell out the presence of ulterior motive," says Kirk Laidlaw of Drone Drivers International.
It's normal to think, “I’ve got to say something compelling that starts the process of persuading them to engage.” But here’s the problem: people hate being persuaded. They instinctively resist it. This thought is toxic.
Think this way instead: Persuasion is about pushing. Facilitation is about pulling.
As sales guru Benjamin Dennehy explains, “The purpose of a cold call is to take a person who is in an intellectual and matter-of-fact state of mind and make them FEEL they have an issue that needs more exploration with you. That’s it. Not wailing in agony, but enough for them to feel uncomfortable since speaking with you.”
Facilitating curiosity can provoke self-reflection; creating an environment where the customer starts asking themselves, “Might I need to talk to this person?”
They hunger for more information -- to begin convincing themselves.
The surprising purpose of outreach
A different purpose
“Watch what everyone else does. Do the opposite. The majority is always wrong.” So said Earl Nightingale, the Godfather of personal development.
In sales outreach the majority is always wrong. Most believe their purpose is:
- to book meeting
- to demonstrate value
- to find prospects with a problem
- tell stories about how we did it for others
All wrong. These are outcomes.
Your purpose is to establish if a person is emotional about their problem or objective. Emotional enough to fix it -- or get it.
Successfully engaging more customers in sales conversations is based mostly on what you don't do. That's why common sales messaging frameworks cause problems.
Sales trainer, Rashid Kotwal agrees and says, "Adding value to a potential customer (on first approach) is like helping the little old lady across the street -- but not asking if she wanted to cross.
We've been 'brought up' to believe we need to educate our prospects etc. by providing insights. But this is like giving unsolicited advice... which is usually not appreciated," he says.
New business outreach is precisely the same as the dating scene. The purpose of outreach is to find emotion… to find someone so emotionally involved in a problem or goal they want to take the next step with you.
They'll ask you for the meeting
You know what it’s like to be marketed to. Consider the last time you were on a first date. Think about a time you were sitting across from someone and they flashed their colors… they tried to impress. They met you and were like “yes… I want another date.”
Whatever you said, it tapped into their emotions. So they proceed to market themselves to you. Hard. Too hard.
They tried to persuade you -- without looking persuasive. But you saw right through it. It’s the same with customers. When we meet for the first time they have no experience to base decisions on with us.
When I first met my wife she had no experience that proved to her, “Yes, here's a guy worth talking to.” So I did my very best to attract her to the idea of talking to me being a good one.
But I soft peddled. I tapped into her emotions by not talking about myself much, focusing more on her.
This helped her to convince herself to go out again... to ask me out first. But how does this apply to sales messaging?
Earning conversations with people who don’t want to talk to you gets easier when you focus on provoking curiosity rather than persuading them to agree.
When interrupting their day, your purpose is to help them assess their own emotional readiness to act. As my sales trainer hero Scott Channell puts it, you’re not planting thoughts but activating what’s already within them. For example, you might ask a Facilitative Question:
“How does this challenge impact your daily operations or long-term goals?”
Notice the design of this question. It avoids creating artificial urgency. Instead, it encourages the customer to weigh the importance of their problem by becoming an observer of their own world. Then, they may decide, for themselves, whether what they observe (in front of you) is worth pursuing solutions.
When the prospect says, “I need more information to understand what you’re suggesting,” they’ve begun the process of convincing themselves.
That’s facilitation in action. You are helping those who are inclined to buy begin the process of considering investing.
Most salespeople approach cold outreach -- and early stage meetings - by trying to overcome objections or create urgency. Persuading someone to move forward often backfires, leaving the prospect feeling pressured.
Instead, help the prospect clarify their priorities by asking questions that keep control in their hands.
The trouble with messaging frameworks
What I’m about to share you’ve probably not heard before. In the world of sales messaging, any offer to help tends to push potential customers away.
You don’t have to believe me. Just look to your own experience as proof. The more your sales messages offer persuasive, unsolicited help the more trouble they create. Example: The more your message offers to solve problems, achieve goals... or the more you make yourself available to potential customers... the less they are attracted to you.
The more free advice. The more “education” the more they know you’re 100% full of shit. They resist.
Maybe all that “educating”, building rapport, earning trust by “demonstrating value”... maybe all of that is provoking decision-makers to request meetings with you. If so, then go pour a cold one and relax.
However, if you can relate to what I’m saying... if you’re a little curious... consider a different world. A world where your sales outreach messages and scripts do not offer to help solve a problem. Where you avoid saying, “Mr. or Ms. Client, I can help alleviate your pain.”
Because in many cases, sales outreach messaging does not need to offer value, “educate” or position you as credible. Let's explore why certain sales messaging frameworks backfire.
Get them talking
The less we talk the better. This is a key sales psychology success principle. Less is more. Truly.
Now you may roll your eyes and think, “Obviously, Molander.”
But hear me out. Because what we know we should do -- and what we actually do -- are usually different.
The less we talk about ourselves, and try to persuade, the better.
Consider this goal instead: Get the other person talking about themselves.
Because doing this proves you have interest in them. And that’s an attractive quality. It is also an unusual quality. You’ll stand out.
Most people, just like most marketers, love to talk about themselves. We see this in sales outreach emails that fail.
Selling your strong points. Talking about your client list.
Trying to establish credibility.
These are what marketing messages sound like.
Your marketing messages might be good. But early stage customers are not interested in hearing these kinds of messages... not yet. So when courting customers we need to talk exclusively about the prospect.
Avoid prematurely elaborating
We need to avoid saying too much, too fast, about ourselves. But you must also be provocative.
Say just enough to:
- grab attention,
- prove you aren’t repeating a script… or cutting-and-pasting and hitting send... and
- hint at how you might be worth talking with.
Give them enough space to develop curiosity about you -- to provoke them into asking for the meeting. Without any cheap, sleazy call to action from you.
Rapport and credibility go through the roof -- when you ask questions demonstrating expertise. Not proclaiming it.
You can claim expertise -- or you can demonstrate it. Which is more attractive to people who need you?
When communicating you have a choice: To strut around like a male peacock -- or not. Flash your colors, attempt to look fancy pants and persuade. But people won't change unless change aligns with their beliefs.
How do you change beliefs? You don’t.
You align to the agenda of the decision maker. Then, instead of persuading, help them begin the journey of convincing themselves.
Example:
"Hi. My name is Jeff and I'm with Communications Edge. We provide a way for sellers to start more conversations, and book more meetings, using curiosity."
Now, please forget everything I said.
"What we really do is give sales people more confidence -- so it rubs off on prospects when reaching out."
If more confidence is what my buyer seeks -- more than they want to up-skill sellers -- then that's what I'm selling. I align to their strategic (not tactical) objective.
Leave room for curiosity
Allow prospects the space needed to become curious.
Curious enough to ask the next logical question. Not a question about your solution. About their curiosity in the subject you introduced which aroused them.
"B2B Sellers bring value by focusing on what is unknown, unseen. They bring missing puzzle pieces to the table," says global sales leader Vincent Messina. "If I even think I am persuading -- my approach is based on the outcome of persuasion. Some people think there isn’t anything wrong with that. But it has severe limitations. Particularly when selling big ticket items."
Sales is courtship. New business outreach is precisely the same as attracting a partner. The goal of outreach is to find emotion.
You must find someone so emotionally involved in a problem or goal they want to take the next step with you.
Simply making yourself available to someone who doesn’t realize they even have a problem isn’t going to start a conversation often enough.
That’s why conventional sales messaging frameworks and examples fail.
They focus on persuading, rather than attracting.
When you shift your purpose from persuading to facilitating, everything changes. The ancient Stoic principle of Firm Purposes teaches -- success lies in focusing on how you approach each interaction -- not on the outcome.
As Benjamin Dennehy, one of my favorite sales trainers, wisely observes, “The root of all misery is attachment. If you’re miserable, it’s because you’re holding on to something. Let go, and the misery goes with it.”
Next time you reach out to a prospect, let go of the need to persuade.
Instead, ask: “How can I help this person realize what they need—for their own reasons?”
By centering your outreach on this purpose, you’ll create more productive, authentic, and rewarding conversations for you and customers.
How would you describe your ability to know the difference between trying to persuade someone and helping them to (slowly) begin convincing themselves?
Let me know below in comments.
