You probably believe in being curious as a sales person. Especially when making first contact with potential customers. But have you considered how phrases like "Out of curiosity..." (followed by questions) are received by prospects as being insincere?

This is because your curiosity is motivated by (what comes across as) an thinly cloaked need to sell.

Blue pill: Curiosity builds rapport, demonstrates empathy, helps uncover pains, reduces sales pressure.

Red pill: It often increases sales pressure because it's received as coming under an ulterior motive.

Look, I know this isn’t what you want to hear! But it’s the truth.

People have already made up their minds.

About everything. They’ve SEEN all the tricks. Expressing curiosity is one of them. Let's go deeper...

Josh Braun's example

While "always be curious" is well-intentioned, its effectiveness hinges on authenticity and the prospect’s willingness to believe you put their interest before yours.

You’ve probably heard Josh’s shopping mall story. He says, "I'm in the mall heading to the Apple store. A kiosk salesperson locks eyes with me, walks over and asks: 'Can I ask you a question?'”

Josh’s responds: 'No.'

Why? Well duh Jeff because the person wants to SELL to him. Correct. 

However, don't miss what is actually happening. The sales person’s curiosity was experienced as false.

Insincere. Fake.

When the rep said, “can I ask you a question” Josh didn't hear, "Can I ask you a question?" He heard, "Can I trick you into a conversation you don't want to have?"

So why does everyone in sales seem to agree: Always be curious? And show potential customers you’re curious.

They claim, "Because it builds rapport, demonstrates empathy, helps uncover pains and reduces sales pressure."

Why do you believe this when, in fact, it increases sales pressure?

Here's another example...

Jan wants to know how my 2025 is going and what I’m focusing on this year. Nice guy, I’m sure. And I’m not singling him out. But who falls for this shit? I mean, seriously.

I’m a small business owner with a million priorities. I’m not looking for chit-chat on LinkedIn… When I know there’s a 99% chance this will lead to Jan selling me his marketing services. Especially with that profile headline!

We hear what we listen for

I hear what I’m listening for -- not what Jan is saying. You do the same.

In my example, notice Jan is showing me his curiosity -- to build rapport and uncover my pain points. So he can SELL.

Just like you do, I see curiosity as having an ulterior motive. Prospects hear what they're listening for -- not what you're saying.

You may say, "Wrong Molander, I AM sincere when reaching out. I'm genuinely curious."

Doesn't matter. Prospects are characterizing you as disingenuous. They've been conditioned by awful spam outreach patterns.

Everyone is getting more-and-more emails (from sellers) saying "I'm curious to get your thoughts on..." or "out of curiosity..."

Just like, "How are you today, Jeff?" Curiosity has devolved into a show stopper.

Classic conditioning

Tough love: Your curiosity, hope or how you "look forward to" signals "I'm selling something -- and willing to bullshit you into believing my curiosity is sincere." Sorry, not sorry.

People have been conditioned to equating "I'm curious..." with "I'm a liar."

People hear what they listen for -- not what we’re saying.

Callum and Josh are listening for patterns they've identified as b.s.

We all are.

"Hey, I'm curious to get your thoughts..." is one of them.

What we communicate is not what people hear -- because of previous bad experiences with words.

What words have you experienced which trigger you -- to run the other way?

Have you even changed-up words -- and earned better engagement? Share your experience in comments.

Solution: Restructure questions

Let's say I'm smart enough to break the pattern -- and not include the word curious/curiosity in the message. I ask you...

"When reaching out, how are you provoking responses from potential clients?"

A "how question." Rather facilitative. Directing attention inward -- toward you, not toward my extracting information from you. (to see if I can sell to you!)

In this case, I genuinely want to know. I'm curious. Well, that's the problem. My curiosity is still restricting the conversation.

Result: Your answer may ignore important information -- important to your self reflection.

The wording, the request, the topic, the intent, the underlying assumptions may offend, confuse or annoy -- causing partial or inaccurate responses.

Or you may not answer at all.

Because you know my curiosity is false -- a gimmick to start a sales conversation.

Compare this with my asking a question which shocks you.

A question you should be asking yourself -- but are not.

A painful one. A deeper question, hyper-focused on you and nothing else.

What is your understanding of how asking a question 'out of curiosity...' can backfire when reaching out?

This question is less restrictive; more open, less suggestive. It's not seeking information to access your thoughts.

It's challenging you. Do you understand your own potential weakness?

Your turn. Ask a question the your prospect should be asking themselves... but are not... AND wherein the answer benefits ONLY the their critical thinking process.

(not you)

Bottom line, yes. Be curious as a person. For sure!

But be careful. Be aware. Don't get over confident with applying a curiosity approach in sales.

Your own, genuine curiosity may sabotage word choice when designing questions.

So. What makes you believe your curiosity is received as sincere?

Have I caused you to think differently today? Am I wrong?

When I say, "Prospects are experiencing your curiosity as a ploy, an insincere act offered out of an ulterior motive" how do you react?